'One of the' endings..

I just dont know what else i should do..
really..
every bits of it is killing me..

i burried my instincts over my feelings, and now it has gotten me this far..
and dude, you have no idea how much its killing me..
imagine someone soo important to you..
you can't loose her, at any costs..
and you know what measures you have done in order to keep her..
and it ain't small..
but then, at the end..
you just cant have her..
at the end..
all your efforts..
all your power..
is wasted to SHIT in just a matter of seconds..

Some stories that is still roaming up my head..
about the strawberry cafe tradegy..
damm, you are one clever being, no joke..
you planned everything out..
literally EVERYTHING out..
from just bullshiting about me doing something wrong, so u can make up a fight..
and then tell me you're not going to the cafe..
so i wont go..
and then when i really did'nt go..
u invited 'HIM' over..
FUCK

Times when u use to say you want to go home alone..
but fuck no..
u went back with him..
damm..

i know that i WILL get over with it..
sooner or later..
but shit, each seconds with me not over it..
is really KILLING me from inside..

i am really dissapointed..
i use to think that she is sooooooo perfect..
she is real innocent..
but fuck, she is also another monster who crushed me before..
she is 'one of the', and officially is..

But all this..
maybe it was good..
me knowing all this..
if not..
we would be together by now..
and i'll be even more caught up in pain..

I am sorry bloggy..
i just..
i dont know why..
but writting to you doesn't ease my pain like how it use to work..
i dont think so im going to continue..